First concert

OK, as a family we watched Never say Never, the Justin Bieber movie...Love the Bieb, especially after that movie! Anyway Firstborn made a comment that she didn't get why everyone was screaming and going nuts at the concert. Soulmate and I tried to express how it feels when the lights are dimmed, the bass starts thumping, the crowd starts screaming, you catch your breath and Duran Duran walks onto the stage (OK I know I'm aging myself) but it's difficult to explain especially when she says "who's Duran Duran?!".

Soulmate decided to give her the experience first hand and surprised her with tickets for myself and her to catch Katy Perry at the Verizon Theatre in Grand Prairie. Well, what fun we had! When we arrived lots of blue wigs and candy colored clothes and that was just the men!

Firstborn and I danced, screamed and sang to all the songs and I felt I really showed the young 'un what it was all about! Now she understands and now she wants to know what's next?... I dunno, anyone know if Culture Club still tours?

I'm Useless

Yes, I'm worthless, no blogging since February what the heck is my issue. My parents stayed with me for 6 weeks it's not like I'm without material! Shall I try again??..Hmmm... Maybe..who the heck knows!

Superbowl

OK, I have over the last few weeks been a bystander, as Soulmate has been volunteering for the Superbowl at Cowboys stadium. He has been working with the stage crew for the halftime show. What an experience, up close and personal with many celebrity's especially the Black Eyed Peas! Lots of excitement.

Now you all know I love my Soulmate dearly and anyone who knows him knows he can get a little...how shall we put it..hmmm, Hyper? Well, imagine this for the last few weeks I have been listening to every chord and every lyric of the half time show verbally and dramatically played to me over and over again by Soulmate. Air guitars, imaginary drums, fist pumping, teenage girls screaming, BEP's singing and dance routines performed by 15 year old girls, have been all reenacted by my tone deaf, 6ft 4in Soulmate. I appreciate his excitement I understand his happiness and I Love his enthusiasm more then anything but it is, to be nice, wearing a little thin.

We joked when Soulmate first got picked out of 7oo plus volunteers to be part of the crew, that he may abandon his family to be one of Fergie's road crew but right now, if I have to hear one more whiney air guitar rift "ne, wah, wah wah nah" I am taking Soulmate by the hand to personally escort him to Fergie's Tour bus, freshly laundered clean underwear in hand, saying "Take him, Please!". ...Just keep sending me the checks homey!

Time flies...

Wow, has it really been 7 months since my last entry. Really??? Good job no one reads this sh@#T! Ok so whats been going on? I cannot recap over the last 7 months as it would be like rewriting the bible but I will try to at least offer a weekly entry at best OK?...count this as entry number 1 haha!

Bugs, Flu and other germs

It all started on Monday, Soulmate woke up and went for a bike ride. We have both been making attempts at a more fit and active lifestyle and this is his part. (Does much better then me, I might add!) Anyway, he returned and said he wasn't feeling too well. Soulmate felt nauseous and had heartburn. Being the caring, loving nurse I am, I told him to suck it up and get over it!

Anyway, off to work he went, the trooper he is or off he went to escape for the kids and me since there is no camp this week, hmmm, you make the call.

I received a call from Soulmate, once he got to work, who then proceeded to describe the violent, explosive diarrhea he had just experienced. The description included color, sounds and even texture. Sometimes it stinks (no pun intended) to be nurse!

By 4.00pm, soulmate was on his way home, an early retreat from work, due to his current bowel issues. I personally think the office got rid of him because it was one the girls turns to clean the bathrooms! By this time, I was feeling achy and experiencing stomach cramps.

I took myself off to bed where soulmate came and joined me within a few minutes. The kids proceed to take care of us, which they thought was hysterical, by bringing us drinks, flowers (picked from my garden), books, magazines and anything else we might need.

We made it thru the night and got the kids to bed. Fell asleep around 10.00pm only to be woken up by baby crying in the bathroom with stomach ache and yes, the same issues as Soulmate.Then we were off........

Baby continued to vomit and sh*t every 30 minutes until 9.30am. This poor kid did not stand a chance. He did not know whether to sit down or stand in the bathroom. Well, I don't want to get to graphic (actually I do but I guess I shall spare you) at one point he was naked bent over praying to the porcelain God, retching, when a brown soup came shooting out of his lower half with the force of any rocket NASA would be proud to name theirs, hitting the lime (I didn't paint them) green wall of our bathroom! It sprayed out in a very artistic fan patter in a semi circle across the wall dripping down to the molding and floor.

Now, need I remind you that I was not feeling too hot myself, so on my hand and knees, with help from soulmate, I was spraying bleach and scrubbing at gravy stains to the dulcet tones of baby vomiting, Soulmate tooting and my own retching!...

Thank God it only lasted 12 hours and Firstborn did not get sick. See even germs are scared of her!

Curly Q

Firstborn has been pestering me for a perm. She does not want the old type perm that I used to get that smelled like rotten eggs but a spiral perm. Now once upon a time I was the Queen of spiral perms but I was close to 14 years old. Firstborn is only 11. She has great hair and I just do not want her to ruin it. We have spent time with the curling iron, hot brush and rollers but it was never quite the same.

Within the dark dusty cobwebbed recess of my mind, I remember rag curling. My nana used to do this to my mums hair back in the dark ages. So thanks to Google and you tube I was able to find instructions on rag curling.

I diligently cut strips of rags and curled pieces of hair around the rag and Voila! Sent Firstborn to bed with the head of Medusa.

Next day unrolled the rags and this is the result.........

What do you think?......

A Lindsey Lohan in the family...

Took our dog Q-Tip to the vets for some shots and check up because of the recent seizure diagnosis. My fluffy friend does not usually worry about the vet, but for some reason this time he seemed a little amped up. Kinda like Soulmate in Tortola before the naked fishing exhibition (See Tortola blog post).

We arrive at the vets and we are waiting for about 20 minutes as they had an emergency visit prior to our arrival. We then get called back into a room and answer the usual questions from the vet tech. This tech proceeds to take Q out into the back to receive his injections and to have blood drawn. I am sitting in this room minding my own business and wondering how many animals have peed on the chair I am sitting on, when chaos ensues.

I hear a yelp, a cry and then a very loud "NO!". Holy Sh*T! I know it's mine. it has to be.... have you read my blog? Next a Tech comes in and tells me everything is OK and the vet will be in shortly.

The vet arrives to tell me that the tech performed all the vaccinations with no issues and Q-Tip was quiet and behaving very well, so without the usual assistance the tech goes to draw blood from my Q and he turns around and bites her. The vet states that there was no aggression or growling but the Tech probably startled him. This vet was extremely apologetic as she thinks it was more the techs fault and not Q's but still in future they will put one of those delightful Elizabethan collars on him just to be safe (You know those collars, the ones that prevent the animal from licking anything that might be the slight bit of fun)

OK, then this is not so bad right?, Q-Tip reacted normally to a needle being stuck in his leg, no big deal. It's all over and no need to worry. (Having dealt with an extremely aggressive pet in the past this sort of stuff gets me so worked up)

The next day I receive a phone call. "Hi this is Officer Rodriguez" My mind is now racing faster then a turkey on thanksgiving, what did I do recently?, (too much to count) What did Soulmate do?(Tortola) hell, what did my Family do!!!

"May I speak with the owner of Q-Tip"

First thought deny any such animal exists but " this is her" involuntarily came out of my mouth.

Officer Rodriguez (animal control officer) states that a dog bite was reported and that it is their policy to quarantine any animal that has bitten another for 10 days. Since Q is current on vaccinations he is able to be on quarantine at home but the officer needs to check out the property.

So Animal cop shows up at my house, divulges that a physician called in the bite not the vet, I explained what had happened and he agreed that if someone approached him with a needle he might bite them too! Following the house inspection, Kujo was approved for house arrest

So for 10 days he has to wear an ankle monitoring bracelet, that monitors his aggression level and alcohol intake... nah, just kidding, he has to be kept in the house and back yard with no contact with anyone outside the family for 10 days. A little inconvenient but what can you do?

Shame tho, I was just lining up a photo shoot for the AKC annual magazine, with Q laying on the couch, with his seductive skinny leg draping over the side, with his monitoring bracelet on full show!

What's wrong with people?

For the summer, we decided to let the kids have a little pool party. A nice way to reconnect with school friends and relax. Nothing fancy just the all American BBQ and a swim.

The kids were asked to pick a few friends each. Baby's list was done in 3 minutes, Firstborn took 3 days with drama and texts flying all around Dallas, possible causing Tropical Storm Alex, but we finally got the list together.

Baby takes one invite into camp for a boy he knows from school. Baby hands this snotty little devils spawn the invite and told him "I am having a pool party". The 2 horned wonder opens the invite, with not one thank you of course, and throws it down on the table.

Baby asks the all red one if he can see the invite to which this kid roars (with green pea soup spewing from his mouth) "Take it. I don't like you, don't want to be your friend or come to your stupid party!" WTF!! What sort of parenting is a child getting when he just hurts another child's feeling so bad without a single afterthought?

Obviously my first concern was for baby. I asked him how he felt and explained that if this boy could treat him like this he was not a friend or someone he should want to spend time with (tho I am yearning to get him in a dark alley. Is that wrong?) Baby replies " oh, that's OK mum, I gave his invite to a much nicer kid" Thank God for the resilience of children.

Meanwhile, mum, is still struggling with the question Why is it not legal to interrogate a child and stone his parents if you suspect he is Beelzebub and they are his creators?

I am very lucky....

Once in a while I like to give props to the man in my life. Soulmate is the best husband and friend a woman could ever want. He is kind, generous, humorous, loving, a great father and man. It would be nice if he put the toilet seat down once in a while or changed the toilet roll but hell we can't be greedy!

We had a really great July 4th weekend, we went to the Zoo, did the whole fair and fireworks thing and even had a day on July 5th without kids for a relaxing, exploring adventure. (Maybe camp isn't so bad).

This man comes home from work on Tuesday, after dinner, kids are in bed and we finally sigh relief to have time to ourselves and crack open a beer or three. Soulmate goes on to tell me what a great weekend he had and presents me with a jewelry bag. Inside is a beautiful ring of Amethyst, Topaz and other gems with a matching necklace. What a man! I love this guy!

I post these entries not only to thank him, but to share that there are these wonderful human beings out there and if you do not have one go get you some because you deserve it and are worth it. (I know I am)

Is it genetics?

My kids are the most uncoordinated creatures I have met. There, done, it's out there! Firstborn could not ride a two wheeler until she was 9! when she was toddler, the only way she could ride a tricycle was backwards. Huh?

Baby is just the same. He still has training wheels at age 7 and he is not a small petite child, he is tall and skinny and looks like a 20 year old riding a miniature cycle in a circus!

So in my infinite wisdom, or just desperation, this summer I signed the kids up for camp. They go alternative weeks to give me a break and allow me to actually get some work done for the dollars I am being paid. Camp is held at a gymnastic facility, they are horseback riding, swimming, performing gymnastics, using the zip-tie, scaling the rock wall, have archery and Tae-kwon-do lessons! wow right? What was I thinking?????

They have had two full weeks of this wonderful adventure and I have had three visits to the local pharmacy for supplies, two phone calls to the pediatrician, 1 day of missed camp and a helluva lots of stress! We have sustained a sprained ankle, strained tendon, bruised hand, black eye, bruised knee and we topped it of with one case of a stomach virus with vomiting and diarrhea that Mount Vesuvius would be proud off!

Next summer, art and music camp may be on the agenda but I would have the only kids that fall of the piano stool, sustain burns from the bow of the violin and get an allergic reaction to paint!....sigh....

More Tortola Stories.....

So?, you may ask, How was Tortola? How do I describe it?. The Island is hilly, the weather perfect, the Villa huge and the company, most of the time, got along with each other great.

Now a little unknown fact about Soulmate is that he is a man of excess. If he diets, it's water and bread only, if he gambles it's a second mortgage on the house, if he runs it's a 10k!

So first day in Tortola, picture us lying by the pool, drinking rum punch (or jungle juice) listening to some great music and having an all together fantastic time.

Late afternoon I retire for a short alcohol induced nap (just a short 3 hours). Get woken up, it's dark and it's time to eat. Hmmm I think I am gonna love this trip!

Meanwhile the rest of the party hounds have been drinking solidly thru my 3 hour nap, with no food and are completely hammered.

I sit down in the outdoor dinning area and Soulmate then proceeds to slur and drool while whispering sweet nothings, I think, in my ear (could have been a grocery list for all I could understand), starts jamming the tunes and getting down to the beat. He is smiling his adorable sexy smile and I should have known........

Next thing I know my Soulmate is dancing naked by the pool, then jumps in the pool, swims a naked lap, proceeds to jump out onto his belly, like a large mouthed bass, and slithers across the tile to the game room!

That's my soulmate! That's My husband! I am a very lucky woman, married 16 years to this fine specimen!.....and I wouldn't change a thing!

My recent vacation

Soulmate and I had an absolute awesome opportunity, Due to his hard work (cough..cough) and such high sales, the company offered a Company Annual Share Holders Meeting. It involved an all expenses paid trip to.......Cincinatti?.....No....Detroit?......No......Houston?...No. It was held in Tortolo, The British Virgin Islands! Wow, where do I sign up, here is my bag and can we stay two weeks?

It was an adults only trip (even better). So the task began, to decide what to do with the rugrats. Is Alcatraz still accepting house guests? The best solution seemed to be good 'ole father-in-law or Bebop as we call him. He was planning a trip anyway and now we would pay for it for him. Well, the foolish man agrees and arrived on our doorstep two days before the trip. Sister- in-Law also agreed she would help and came as well.



We went over the kids (and the dogs) schedule, I even had a binder full of instructions that would make a concierge of the finest hotel proud! We went over the security alarm system, we drove the route to the schools. It was only 5 nights and 4 whole days they would be fine right?.....

The morning we were due to leave we asked Bebop and sister-in-law to do a dry run to baby's school. It would reassure us that all would be OK while we were gone.

With bated breath we watched as Bebop reversed out of the driveway, proceed to drive over the neighbours front lawn, slammed my car down hard over the curb and finally left driving in the wrong direction away from school with sister-in-law laughing hysterically!

Hell!... Soulmate and I looked at each other, they will be OK right?, He won't kill them right? and if he does will this trip be worth it?

What do think?.....

Oil Spill and BP

I am not one that makes political statements in my blog or rant about the Obama administration (well, not in my blog anyway) but this BP oil leak is a beyond a joke.

I have written to our governmental administrators, BP and even the president. I kept it plain and simple with just a one question.....WTF?

I'm back......

OK, duly nagged for not updating my blog (you know who you are!) I have decided to get you caught up on events.The kids are out for summer (yeah???), Soulmate and I had a nice vacation away sans kids, I celebrated my birthday and anniversary, Good friends from NY have paid us a visit and my life continues to supply me with endless material to write in my blog.

First, as I have previously documented, Firstborn has always been a challenge. She is growing up, spreading her wings. testing her boundaries and all those other crap cliche's that apply to a mouthy 11 year old! Well, I am here to report she is doing sooooooooo much better.

She has calmed down, been more respectful and had actually been studying! What is the change you may ask?.. did I hit her in the head with a frying pan? (thought about it)... Did she smack her head diving in the bottom of the pool??? (possibly)...nope she has a boyfriend!

Gulp!....my 11 year old has boyfriend. now anyone who has known me from my childhood will tell you she takes after her mum, but I was NOT 11 when I became boy crazy, I was a very mature 13 year old so leave me alone.

We have over 800 text exchanges a day between these two, very cute and innocent, like ,what's your favorite color, what music you like, etc, thankfully none of the questions she likes to pose to me such as the ones about premarital sex and protection are noted! One of the rules we have with Firstborn having her own cell phone is that there is no privacy. I am allowed to listen to voicemail and read texts at anytime. I delete them after I have read them, she is not to delete anything. This appears to have worked so far, tho I am sure when I was on Vaca and her Grandfather was watching her, every forbidden word, photo and message flew across the lines exploding AT&T and causing down wires (She was allowed to delete her own messages while I was away otherwise her phone memory would be used up before I got on the plane!)

Anyway, we decided to meet this little cowboy who has my daughters, heart, to ensure that he fully understood the wrath of a 6ft 4 in Yank and a 5ft 2in, but very spunky, Brit. We invited him over for 2 hours for a BBQ and a swim.

When he arrived I met his mother, who proceeded to embarrass the kid, to the point of making him blush, by saying" don't be scared, he gets a little afraid of the deep end in a pool". My first impression was I love this woman!

So B friend arrives and the interrogation begins, What's your dad do? (He's a Marine) How long have you lived in Texas?(one year) Where do you live? (Nice neighbourhood) What's your mum do?(Waitress, divorced) Who takes care of you over the summer?(14 year old sister) and so on and so forth. He proceeded to answer every question shyly but confidently with lots of Sirs and Mam's thrown in. As your dad is a Marine you must have travelled a lot? (yes), What's your favorite country you have lived in?(England, I want to go back). ...what?...excuse me?..... Did you say England?(Yes, I loved it there)....... Well, now let me think, this kid is respectful, has calmed Firstborn down, helped her with her studies and loves England?...Hmmmm.......

I love this kid! I gave him the keys to the house and the code to the security alarm, he can come by anytime!

Part 4

Now, baby can get a little obsessed about things. Once he likes something he talks about it non-stop and I mean non-stop. When he was a toddler it is was Thomas the Tank engine, then we went thru Lego's, then Bakugans well right now we are back to Pokemon.

Day in and Day out baby waffles on about strategy, power points, energy and evolving of Pokemon. I also know that there are 4 energy types! He even talks in his sleep for God's sake!

Now, I am really trying hard to listen but I do sometimes Grunt a really? or a Ohhh? with not really paying attention.

Baby: So you understand right Mum?

Me: Gulp!. I have no idea what he was talking about. Sure Honey.

Baby: If that's true what did I just say?

Me. Crap! busted! Well....it's.. mumbling energy....uhm muttering Power...

Baby: I knew it! I just used reverse Psychology in you and it worked!

Me: Where did this little troll spawn come from? Reverse Psychology? I will show you reverse Psychology you little SH**!

Go wash up from dinner please!

Part 3

Let me set the scene, a nice balmy 80 degree day, sitting by the pool with the kids, waiting for Soulmate to get home from work. Baby is playing in the dirt with some bug or other and Firstborn is sitting with me.

Firstborn: Mum, can I ask you something?

Me: (right about now, I am well aware that I probably do not want to hear this and was wishing I was on a cruise ship with a Mai-Tai in hand and a barren womb)

Sure, what is it sweetie!

Firstborn: Did you ever have premarital sex?

Me: (WTF!!!!!!) Do you even know what that is?

(God, it's hot out here, does 80 degrees really feel like this?)

Firstborn: Course I do, it's when you have sex before you are married

Me. (Now I am not sure if should be proud that she actually knows what this is or wonder how the hell does she know this? I am also hearing all those voices in my head of every damn parenting article that I have ever read. Never lie to your kids, tell them the truth when they ask, it means that they are ready to hear it. Yeah? well I don't remember this specific topic!)

Well, I don't know if you know this but dad and I got married twice. The first time was a causal affair to allow me to get a visa for the US and no one really knows about this but the second time was the big official wedding.

Firstborn: Yeah, I knew that!

Me: Well, most people thought dad and I were living together and having premarital sex but we were really married! (I am a freaking genius!)

Firstborn: Oh.

(So now I am patting myself on my back, what a great story, how smart of me, have another imaginary Mai-Tai)

Firstborn: Would you be mad if I had premarital sex?

Me: (wiping Mai-Tai of my chin and swimsuit)

Hell, yeah!!!........ Look I would hope you would talk to me first and would like to make sure that this is the man you are planning to be with the rest of your life. (Nose is growing here).

You are not thinking about it now are you? (Do I really want to know the answer?)

Firstborn: Oh my gosh no! that's disgusting!!!!!

Thank the lord! Pass me the pitcher and as I am drinking I am rehearsing my response to the future question, did you ever do drugs? Yes, but I didn't inhale seems like a good answer!

Part 2

Baby: Can dark people and white people have children?

Soulemate: Sure, just like any MARRIED couple (just in case Firstborn is within listening distance)

Baby: What color are their children?

Soulmate: Well, it varies they can be dark, light and any other color that you can mix with dark and light (I think at this point he is sweating!)

Baby: What if the baby was born and half of his body was white and the other half of his body was dark?

Soulmate: That's not possible

Baby: Why?

Soulmate: Because your bodies don't work that way (Huh?)

Baby: OK. (silence while you can hear the little cogs turning in his head, like a hamster on steroids)

Baby: I don't think that dark people are really dark, they are just dirty! If they had a good bath I think we would all be the same!

Soulmate: Silence.............

The crazy things kids say...especially mine Part 1.

OK, this is the thing, at least three time a week, my kids astound me with the things that come out of their mouths especially baby. So I am dedicating my next few entries to these nutso random things starting with this one:

Baby: Can we play charades?

Me: Sure, you go first

Baby: Starts air kissing and make kissy sounds.

Me: Baby with his girlfriend?

Baby: No!

Me: Mum and Dad?

Baby; No!

Me: People in love? (huh?!)

Baby: No! Imagine I am in my underwear.

Me: A boy swimming with his girlfriend?

Baby: No! Mummmm, give up?

Me: (Thank God!) Yes, I give up

Baby: S.E.X (he whispers spelling it out). Because that's what S.E.X is, kissing in your
underwear or with no clothes on!

Me: Speechless for once in my life!

(A few hours later soulmate arrives and I hear baby happily ask, Daaaaaddd, do you wanna play charades!)

Siblings

We recently attended an open house at baby's school. He was so excited to show us his art work, his math and his writing book. Next was his journal. The kids write in their journal periodically and what a revelation this was.

Baby had a bad day as his sister hates him and was mean to him, baby had a good day because his sister shared with him, baby has a poor day because his sister would not talk to him, his sister hates his squeaky voice. A common theme here?

I made Firstborn read everyone of these entries to see if that would hit home. Her response?...I don't hate you baby, You just are really annoying!

Soccer or football as we call it

Baby has been wanting to start soccer. I have hummed and hawed over this as my kids are not the most coordinated of the bunch. For example, baby, the hunking great 7 year old still needs training wheels on his bike.

Anyways I finally agreed and found a team which is attached to a church. Here in Texas they take their sports very seriously and I did not want to expose baby to that at this age. Also remember that famous tale of the mother murdering a cheerleader. I did not want that to be me.

Baby had his soccer evaluation and I warned soulmate not to be too disappointed if my son, who has as much stability as a duck on ice, did not do so well. Well, lo and behold I have quite a decent soccer player on My hands. he dribbled, he passed and he scored. yeah! you go baby and we all know who deserves the credit for this. Me of course! it's the British blood!!!