My recent vacation

Soulmate and I had an absolute awesome opportunity, Due to his hard work (cough..cough) and such high sales, the company offered a Company Annual Share Holders Meeting. It involved an all expenses paid trip to.......Cincinatti?.....No....Detroit?......No......Houston?...No. It was held in Tortolo, The British Virgin Islands! Wow, where do I sign up, here is my bag and can we stay two weeks?

It was an adults only trip (even better). So the task began, to decide what to do with the rugrats. Is Alcatraz still accepting house guests? The best solution seemed to be good 'ole father-in-law or Bebop as we call him. He was planning a trip anyway and now we would pay for it for him. Well, the foolish man agrees and arrived on our doorstep two days before the trip. Sister- in-Law also agreed she would help and came as well.



We went over the kids (and the dogs) schedule, I even had a binder full of instructions that would make a concierge of the finest hotel proud! We went over the security alarm system, we drove the route to the schools. It was only 5 nights and 4 whole days they would be fine right?.....

The morning we were due to leave we asked Bebop and sister-in-law to do a dry run to baby's school. It would reassure us that all would be OK while we were gone.

With bated breath we watched as Bebop reversed out of the driveway, proceed to drive over the neighbours front lawn, slammed my car down hard over the curb and finally left driving in the wrong direction away from school with sister-in-law laughing hysterically!

Hell!... Soulmate and I looked at each other, they will be OK right?, He won't kill them right? and if he does will this trip be worth it?

What do think?.....

Oil Spill and BP

I am not one that makes political statements in my blog or rant about the Obama administration (well, not in my blog anyway) but this BP oil leak is a beyond a joke.

I have written to our governmental administrators, BP and even the president. I kept it plain and simple with just a one question.....WTF?

I'm back......

OK, duly nagged for not updating my blog (you know who you are!) I have decided to get you caught up on events.The kids are out for summer (yeah???), Soulmate and I had a nice vacation away sans kids, I celebrated my birthday and anniversary, Good friends from NY have paid us a visit and my life continues to supply me with endless material to write in my blog.

First, as I have previously documented, Firstborn has always been a challenge. She is growing up, spreading her wings. testing her boundaries and all those other crap cliche's that apply to a mouthy 11 year old! Well, I am here to report she is doing sooooooooo much better.

She has calmed down, been more respectful and had actually been studying! What is the change you may ask?.. did I hit her in the head with a frying pan? (thought about it)... Did she smack her head diving in the bottom of the pool??? (possibly)...nope she has a boyfriend!

Gulp!....my 11 year old has boyfriend. now anyone who has known me from my childhood will tell you she takes after her mum, but I was NOT 11 when I became boy crazy, I was a very mature 13 year old so leave me alone.

We have over 800 text exchanges a day between these two, very cute and innocent, like ,what's your favorite color, what music you like, etc, thankfully none of the questions she likes to pose to me such as the ones about premarital sex and protection are noted! One of the rules we have with Firstborn having her own cell phone is that there is no privacy. I am allowed to listen to voicemail and read texts at anytime. I delete them after I have read them, she is not to delete anything. This appears to have worked so far, tho I am sure when I was on Vaca and her Grandfather was watching her, every forbidden word, photo and message flew across the lines exploding AT&T and causing down wires (She was allowed to delete her own messages while I was away otherwise her phone memory would be used up before I got on the plane!)

Anyway, we decided to meet this little cowboy who has my daughters, heart, to ensure that he fully understood the wrath of a 6ft 4 in Yank and a 5ft 2in, but very spunky, Brit. We invited him over for 2 hours for a BBQ and a swim.

When he arrived I met his mother, who proceeded to embarrass the kid, to the point of making him blush, by saying" don't be scared, he gets a little afraid of the deep end in a pool". My first impression was I love this woman!

So B friend arrives and the interrogation begins, What's your dad do? (He's a Marine) How long have you lived in Texas?(one year) Where do you live? (Nice neighbourhood) What's your mum do?(Waitress, divorced) Who takes care of you over the summer?(14 year old sister) and so on and so forth. He proceeded to answer every question shyly but confidently with lots of Sirs and Mam's thrown in. As your dad is a Marine you must have travelled a lot? (yes), What's your favorite country you have lived in?(England, I want to go back). ...what?...excuse me?..... Did you say England?(Yes, I loved it there)....... Well, now let me think, this kid is respectful, has calmed Firstborn down, helped her with her studies and loves England?...Hmmmm.......

I love this kid! I gave him the keys to the house and the code to the security alarm, he can come by anytime!

Part 4

Now, baby can get a little obsessed about things. Once he likes something he talks about it non-stop and I mean non-stop. When he was a toddler it is was Thomas the Tank engine, then we went thru Lego's, then Bakugans well right now we are back to Pokemon.

Day in and Day out baby waffles on about strategy, power points, energy and evolving of Pokemon. I also know that there are 4 energy types! He even talks in his sleep for God's sake!

Now, I am really trying hard to listen but I do sometimes Grunt a really? or a Ohhh? with not really paying attention.

Baby: So you understand right Mum?

Me: Gulp!. I have no idea what he was talking about. Sure Honey.

Baby: If that's true what did I just say?

Me. Crap! busted! Well....it's.. mumbling energy....uhm muttering Power...

Baby: I knew it! I just used reverse Psychology in you and it worked!

Me: Where did this little troll spawn come from? Reverse Psychology? I will show you reverse Psychology you little SH**!

Go wash up from dinner please!

Part 3

Let me set the scene, a nice balmy 80 degree day, sitting by the pool with the kids, waiting for Soulmate to get home from work. Baby is playing in the dirt with some bug or other and Firstborn is sitting with me.

Firstborn: Mum, can I ask you something?

Me: (right about now, I am well aware that I probably do not want to hear this and was wishing I was on a cruise ship with a Mai-Tai in hand and a barren womb)

Sure, what is it sweetie!

Firstborn: Did you ever have premarital sex?

Me: (WTF!!!!!!) Do you even know what that is?

(God, it's hot out here, does 80 degrees really feel like this?)

Firstborn: Course I do, it's when you have sex before you are married

Me. (Now I am not sure if should be proud that she actually knows what this is or wonder how the hell does she know this? I am also hearing all those voices in my head of every damn parenting article that I have ever read. Never lie to your kids, tell them the truth when they ask, it means that they are ready to hear it. Yeah? well I don't remember this specific topic!)

Well, I don't know if you know this but dad and I got married twice. The first time was a causal affair to allow me to get a visa for the US and no one really knows about this but the second time was the big official wedding.

Firstborn: Yeah, I knew that!

Me: Well, most people thought dad and I were living together and having premarital sex but we were really married! (I am a freaking genius!)

Firstborn: Oh.

(So now I am patting myself on my back, what a great story, how smart of me, have another imaginary Mai-Tai)

Firstborn: Would you be mad if I had premarital sex?

Me: (wiping Mai-Tai of my chin and swimsuit)

Hell, yeah!!!........ Look I would hope you would talk to me first and would like to make sure that this is the man you are planning to be with the rest of your life. (Nose is growing here).

You are not thinking about it now are you? (Do I really want to know the answer?)

Firstborn: Oh my gosh no! that's disgusting!!!!!

Thank the lord! Pass me the pitcher and as I am drinking I am rehearsing my response to the future question, did you ever do drugs? Yes, but I didn't inhale seems like a good answer!

Part 2

Baby: Can dark people and white people have children?

Soulemate: Sure, just like any MARRIED couple (just in case Firstborn is within listening distance)

Baby: What color are their children?

Soulmate: Well, it varies they can be dark, light and any other color that you can mix with dark and light (I think at this point he is sweating!)

Baby: What if the baby was born and half of his body was white and the other half of his body was dark?

Soulmate: That's not possible

Baby: Why?

Soulmate: Because your bodies don't work that way (Huh?)

Baby: OK. (silence while you can hear the little cogs turning in his head, like a hamster on steroids)

Baby: I don't think that dark people are really dark, they are just dirty! If they had a good bath I think we would all be the same!

Soulmate: Silence.............

The crazy things kids say...especially mine Part 1.

OK, this is the thing, at least three time a week, my kids astound me with the things that come out of their mouths especially baby. So I am dedicating my next few entries to these nutso random things starting with this one:

Baby: Can we play charades?

Me: Sure, you go first

Baby: Starts air kissing and make kissy sounds.

Me: Baby with his girlfriend?

Baby: No!

Me: Mum and Dad?

Baby; No!

Me: People in love? (huh?!)

Baby: No! Imagine I am in my underwear.

Me: A boy swimming with his girlfriend?

Baby: No! Mummmm, give up?

Me: (Thank God!) Yes, I give up

Baby: S.E.X (he whispers spelling it out). Because that's what S.E.X is, kissing in your
underwear or with no clothes on!

Me: Speechless for once in my life!

(A few hours later soulmate arrives and I hear baby happily ask, Daaaaaddd, do you wanna play charades!)